I’m going to stop apologizing when there’s a delay between blogs - you probably know by now it’s only because I’m sick, one of the kids is sick, I am crazy busy, or on a tropical island with my husband. HAH! Anyway, this particular delay can be blamed on a stomach bug that has been making its way through our house. Seriously, why do kids always start vomiting in the middle of the night when you are dead asleep and you have to spring out of bed, calm your child, clean up all the puke, tuck them and yourself back in bed, and do it all again 20 minutes later? We did this 7 times with #1 last night from 2:30-5:30am. UGH. Anyway - I am sooo exhausted, so I will probably just ramble on and on until I pass out…J

So anyway, I was talking to a friend today and she was telling me how chronically sleep deprived she was, feeling disheveled, stressed out, not like herself. She said she is a disaster and losing control of her life and doesn’t even recognize herself anymore. I feel so badly for her - and I think we all can relate to this feeling like we’re falling apart on some level - whether it’s just a bit or a lot. Some days/months/years are better than others…For instance, this time last year, I had all three kids at home 90% of the time, a new house, a new neighborhood. The winter was long and cold, the kids were sick a lot, and we had very little help. Both my parents were working full-time, I knew barely anyone in town, and our finances were tight. Sounds fun, right? Things are much better now, thank god - but the memory is still fresh and I am very empathetic towards other moms who have similar experiences.

Speaking of falling apart, it seems like yesterday that I was annoyed to find the first gray hair on my head. HA! Along with many more gray hairs, so many other fun discoveries have popped up along the way. If only the U.S. government provided all women on their 35^th birthday a personal anestitician, colorist, trainer, live-in OB/GYN, and a therapist to deal with all it all. OK, I’m being dramatic to make a point - but when did this happen? Childbearing and childrearing definitely speeds the aging process…I think it’s like dog years: one mommy year equals 3 regular years.

Or maybe we’re just so busy as moms that we don’t notice the small signs of aging. All of a sudden, we look in the mirror and wonder when this wrinkle/laugh line/sunspot appeared. This happened to me recently. I looked at myself in the mirror - I mean REALLY looked (not the quick boogie check in the rearview mirror) - and I saw my mother. Not that that’s a bad thing - my mother is beautiful and I hope I look like her one day. The key words being ONE DAY. Certainly not now!?!?

It’s especially hard to figure out how to age gracefully if you’re someone who occasionally picks up US Weekly in the check-out line (not naming names) and sees photos of Heidi Klum - I mean, does that woman have ANY wear and tear!?!? My god - she’s been a baby machine the last 4 years and her body’s got no signs of use. We must remember that some women are just genetically gifted. I don’t know anyone in real life like this. I mean, I know plenty of women who are blessed in the genes department - but no one THAT blessed. Dear Lord.

And then there’s the discussions that we all seem to be having about advanced maternal age, mammograms, depression, knee problems, hair loss, gravity-affected parts, thyroid problems, perimenapause, etc…isn’t all this stuff the stuff that happens to our moms??? It’s hard to believe I’m old enough to have these kinds of conversations. But it’s reality, and I’m cool with that. Things aren't perfect, but I am really comfortable in my own skin and want to keep it that way. I am not interested in an extreme makeover or a nip and tuck. OK, maybe if someone was offering free Botox in front of the preschool tomorrow I‘d be the first in line…but who wouldn’t?!?! It’s hard to strike a balance between working hard to keep yourself looking and feeling young, and just accepting and embracing what your momma gave ya.

But for me, it’s not really about looks. Really, it’s not. How do I say this…ummm…it’s just that…I don’t want to die. There, I guess it really is that simple. I can’t help but see all these little things as reminders of the aging process and if I’m aging that means that I’m getting closer to dying. And I don’t want to leave my children. I know that sounds harsh, and I’m only 35, but being a mother makes you think about your life in a different way. You understand. I just really love my life and my family, and I want to live until I’m about 150 years old to see how it all plays out. I’d love to grace the pages of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. I am not someone who seems content with reaching the age of 80 and then going in their sleep. My dad always said, “the second I get like that (insert any old person trait here), just take me out back and shoot me.” No - not me! Pump me full of chemicals and keep me around. I promise I won’t be any trouble!

But there’s good news in all of this. If you’ve ever wondered if this aging process is reversible, I think it is. Because I feel a heck of a lot better this year than I did this year, and I’m hoping that each year keeps getting better and better. If it doesn’t, at least I’m getting closer and closer to that age that everyone talks about where you’ve got it all figured out and you don’t give a crap what anyone else thinks. One popular opinion is that is happens in your 40s, the other popular opinion is that it happens in your 50s. Either way, I can feel that I’m on my way…to more sleep, less stress, more organization, more “me” time, and a truer sense of who I am and what I enjoy.

We moms have so much more wisdom and meaning in our lives than we did before we had kids. Yes, we had less “issues” and less to worry about, but we were naïve and had yet to realize the best things in life. And now, even though we sometimes feel like we’re falling apart…maybe that’s just what needs to happen so that we can use all our new-found awareness to begin to put the pieces back together exactly the way we want them.