So, I was talking to my friend the other day about the way we sometimes (or more than sometimes) cannot accept a compliment about our mothering or how well-behaved our kids are. She was telling me that her first reaction when someone says how good her boys are behaving is to say “you don’t see them at home!” or “they’re being good now because I’ve bribed them.”

I shared with her a story about a night I took all the kids to the mall to return a few things, and the clerk said to me, “your children are so well-behaved.” I might have made a joke about how I drugged them, or said something dripped in sarcasm, but instead I surveyed the scene (they actually WERE being really good!) and I said “thank you! They are really great kids.” The woman stopped abruptly and looked at me, and said “you have no idea how seldom I hear moms say nice things about their kids.” That was really a lightbulb moment for me, for sure…

So, my friend and I decided we do this for one main reason: we don’t want anyone to think we have it easy. We would rather have someone think that we have the most challenging kids on the planet and it’s a miracle that we survive each day than for someone to think that our kids are easy to take care of and we spend most of our day bored. We deflect compliments and seldom share stories about how our kids played quietly in their rooms for hours. But if we’ve had a morning during which all the kids’ heads were spinning around like in Poltergeist, we wear it like a badge of honor. It’s like we need to constantly remind others (or ourselves?) that we have the toughest job on earth (we do!) and that we don’t feel successful if we aren’t sweating on a daily basis. Full-time mom or working mom - I guess most of us feel like if we’re not overtaxed and overextended, then we‘re not working hard enough. 

And if we moms do stumble upon some new-found time (maybe it’s an hour a week or maybe your kids have reached school-age!!!) we are so guarded in our excitement. If someone says, “it must be so great to have some time on your hands” we are quick to respond that we’re busier now than before or that we have to clean toilets during all our free time -- we minimize our enjoyment and maximize our adversity. We are just so uncomfortable with admitting we have time to ourselves…while we ALL know it’s because we’ve earned every second of it and deserve every second of it.

And isn't raising great, well-adjusted, well-mannered children our goal as mothers?  We don't get a paycheck -- let alone a performance bonus -- for our job as mom.  A compliment should validate all our hard work and mean to us that we're doing something right.  No need to convince others of your hard work.  The proof is in the pudding.  Take the compliment and pat yourself on the back. 

So, go ahead, feel free to say nice things about my kids and that you‘re happy for me for what very little free time I get (I couldn’t resist) -- I am ready and armed with a positive response. And in a few years, when my baby is off to school and I am HOPEFULLY GOD WILLING enjoying some R&R, I hope I can rest on my laurels. Just don’t mention any bon-bons and no one will get hurt…